In this episode, I am joined by Mindset Coach, Brad Bizjack to discuss how romantic partners fall into “roommate status” and how this can be avoided by focusing on your energy, your actions, and your mindset. Brad breaks down the steps necessary to restoring deep love and passion in your relationship.
Brad Bizjack, Mindset Guru & Coach is back and since we’re coming right off of the month of love, he’s back to share all about MARRIAGE! We didn’t get married to be roommates, and I promise you that we can get out of it!
2:43 HOW TO AVOID “ROOMMATE STATUS”
If your relationship is off, it messes with everything from business, career, finance, parenting, and everything else. If our relationship is in “roommate status”, what is that teaching our kids and showing them long term? But why does it tend to get this way? And what do we do about it?
4:24 COMMON OBJECTIONS AND CREATING POLARITY
Before diving in, some of the most common objections I get are that “my situation is harder”. My common response is to find out how that excuse is working for you? The second objection I get is “you don’t understand my spouse”.
Relationships don’t get into roommate status or drift apart due to lack of love. They fall apart due to a lack of polarity, also known as attraction. But if there’s only love, then it’s a recipe for roommates.
9:00 THREE MISTAKES PEOPLE MAKE TO CAUSE ROOMMATE STATUS
What do men (masculine energy) typically do to women (feminine energy) to cause roommate status?
- They cause them to feel unseen and unappreciated, instantly driving down attraction.
- A man can make a woman feel misunderstood. They try to solve a problem vs. empathizing and caring.
- A man makes a woman feel unsafe.
These three things can cause attraction to disappear.
What do women (feminine energy) typically do to men (masculine energy) to cause roommate status?
- They criticize and when this happens, it makes them feel bad because men want to be your hero.
- Emotionally close off.
- Control! This is the biggest “no no” in the world.
25:26 THE RELATIONSHIP STRESSORS
These stressors will make the relationship start to dwindle into roommate territory, and what can lead to divorce or breaking up.
The 5 Relationship Stressors:
- Lack of Polarity (this is what causes it)
- Emotional Stacking
- A loss of physical intimacy
- A loss of commitment
- A story of incompatibility (that things can’t change)
30:25 BUT WHAT ABOUT SPOUSAL SUPPORT?
If you’re ever challenged by a lack of spousal support, we might be the ones causing it without even realizing it. When we go to them with how hard it is, how it’s stressing you out, taking time away from the family to work on the business AND not getting any results from that work….. why would they want to support you and encourage you to stick this out?
For those of you that are in business and want support – men like results! If you are dilly dallying and dancing around in the business, that’s on you and you can’t blame your spouse for not supporting you.
37:52 HOW DO WE GAIN LOVE & POLARITY
A controversial statement by Brad: It only takes one person to heal a relationship, not two. It all comes down to energy.
Our partner has a record playing in our head, and they have a pre-programmed response in their head. If you show up in a much different and higher energy, eventually they will start to have a new record that’s going to play in their head (and respond differently).
Most people have an assumption of what their partner will be, so they react to how they assume their partner will be. If instead you walk into the room with a high-energy state and not judging how they are, how will they respond?
Judgment is a huge cause of lack of polarity.
42:53 95% OF SUCCESS IN A RELATIONSHIP IS SELECTION
This is the selection of energy that you walk into the room with. Set your intention before you walk into the room! Be the most optimistic, grateful, and responsive person you can be. If you take responsibility for your own emotions, you’re going to come up with some creative ideas to heal your relationship.
44:00 The Biggest Mistakes People Make When Healing
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to heal a relationship is believing that it should be 50/50 in terms of energy. Most people believe that “I’ll give you the love that you want if you show me the love that I want”, and they withhold it.
“When you trade your expectations for appreciations your life changes in an instant” – Tony Robbins
49:40 THE 3 DIMENSIONS OF A RELATIONSHIP
A one-dimensional relationship is when you are focused on what you are getting (how you’re getting your needs met). This is a selfish relationship and will never last.
A two-dimensional relationship is a 50/50 relationship – also known as a recipe for roommates. This is when you will GIVE love if you’re SHOWN love.
A three-dimensional relationship is where love and magic exist. Your fulfillment doesn’t come from what your partner gives you, but from making your partner feel alive.
You have to let go of expectation because suffering in life comes from expecting other people to respond in a specific way. Any time you’re upset about anything is because you had an expectation of something going differently.
Give what you want to feel and you will automatically feel what you gave. If you want to feel love, give it. You can have deep love AND passion again by adopting this mindset.
53:34 MY PERSPECTIVE ON THIS TOPIC
Book Recommendation: His Needs, Her Needs
Quiz Recommendation: The 5 Love Languages
His Needs, Her Needs made me realize that every relationship can be successful, fulfilling, and reignited when you’re mindful and aware of what your spouse needs.
I truly hope that everybody listening found something that can make an impact in their relationship. If your relationship sucks, life isn’t fun. Fix your relationship FIRST before anything else.