We have an incredible guest for you today! Today I am joined by Dr. Abigail Lev, a psycho therapist, mediator, author, and executive coach in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is the director of the Bay Area CBT Center, a clinic that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She has co-authored 3 books on relationships and is the founder of CBT online, helping people connect with therapists online. In this episode, we talk all about navigating our emotions, schemas and how they affect our day-to-day life, failure, perfectionism, self sabotage, empathy, and so much more.
01:52 An Introduction to Dr. Abby Lev
When Abby was younger (12 years old), she felt lost and started thinking about the meaning of life & the purpose behind it all. She took a few psychology courses and loved it! That led her into psychology and the CBT Center.
05:42 11 Types of Schemas
Abby uses the word schemas to describe identities and beliefs, and today’s episode is going to be all about them. Schemas are like a pair of sunglasses. They are things that distort our understanding of relationships and things in life.
The 11 schemas include abandonment, failure, social alienation, self sacrifice, entitlement, emotional deprivation, perfectionism,
A therapist can sit with a person to help them better understand their schemas. Abby also has schema questionnaires on her website here.
11:53 Failure & Perfectionism
The perfectionism & failure schema oftentimes sound the same. However, the perfectionism schema could be somebody at a higher role worrying about not being enough. A failure schema on the other hand could be somebody that is parilyzed to take actions or doing behaviours that sabotage them.
17:40 Self Sabotage
Self sabotage is a question that I get asked about all of the time. This is caused by different things depending on what scheme somebody is in.
To determine your schema, click here.
On the opposite side of our core beliefs are values. If we write down any negative thoughts about ourselves and ask what this thought is causing us to do, we can write a list of things that this has stopped us from doing. When you write all of the things that your thoughts and feelings have stopped you from doing, you’ll see that this will give you all of the information about your values.
25:45 Daily Habits & Rituals
Abby tells her clients that if she’s triggered in the middle of a grocery store, she’ll talk to herself and perform deep breathing right on the spot. Although these techniques might sound cheesy, there is so much scientific evidence behind them.
29:42 Hot & Cold Empathy
Over the past 2 years, social media has been really hard for people to get on because they feel everything that is happening and get stuck in that place. This happens because we mistake the idea of taking people’s pain as our own. The more we’re unwilling to have our own pain, the harder it is to allow others to have their own.